What If?!

       A friend of mine surprised me with an odd question the other day.  He inquired, "Hey Dr. Jones.  What's the word for today?" I was taken aback.  Not only did he catch me off guard, but I hadn't thought much about a word for the day.
     So I replied, "I don't know.  You tell me."
     "Come on Mjaye.  You got a word.  I know He gave you a word," he pressed.  That particular day was exceedingly stressful.   In fact, it was I who needed a word for the day. So I closed my office door and earnestly requested, "Lord...I need a word. What's the word for the day?"  Without hesitation or strain, it came simple and sweet.

Fear Not.  Step out on faith and watch God work.  You will have the desires of your heart, and you will be everything you were called to be. You have nothing to lose and everything to gain.

       After sharing the word with my friend, we laughed boisterously as we took it in stride with high expectations for the remainder of the day.  Then I began to think.  How many times have we heard this?  Be it the Bible, an African Proverb, or words heard from our elders, if we step out on faith, our dreams can transform into reality.

       Some of us watch Life Class with Oprah without fail, taking notes and completing her daily assignments.  We spend millions of dollars on self-help books, videos and CDs with the hope that they will awaken something within.
   
      How many of us make declarations of promise with the dream of being greater than what we've become?  How many of us go to church faithfully on Sunday morning...singing, dancing, running up and down the aisles for all the congregation to see.  We lift our hands and shout, "Amen" and "Hallelujah" during the Pastor's sermon, as our spiritual gas tank is refilled, only to take the path of least resistance on Monday? Instead of moving forward, we find ourselves right back where we started.

    Do we really need to be told the same thing over and over again before it truly sinks in?  Is repetition always necessary? Are we just going through the motions? Or do we really believe what we hear?  But what if...What if we truly stepped out on faith and gave ourselves a chance?  What if we didn't allow our fears, past hurts and mistakes to keep us bound to living a life of mediocrity? What if just enough was no longer enough?

    What if we can have whatever we desire?  What if we were created to be great and do great things?
    What if life isn't supposed to be hard?
    What if the pain and anguish we suffer is a result of accepting a life of mediocrity and being out of sync with our dreams and passion?
    What if living in fear is harder than living in line with the true purpose?
    What if the fight is fixed and everything good is designed to fall perfectly into place?
    What if our blessings are on reserve awaiting our awakening and arrival?
    What if God's word is true? What if we believed it?
   

       Imagine God welcoming you at the end of this journey with open arms and a bright smile.  But there's a sense of sadness in His disposition. Because although you returned to Him, you returned incomplete and unfulfilled.  Imagine Him rolling back the tape and showing you what your life could have, should have and would have been.  If only you had stepped out on faith.  What would you do? How would you feel after learning that everything was arranged in divine order for you to win, regardless of any obstacle or circumstance?

     Suddenly, things seem to be in the proper perspective .  And what if...the what ifs are accurate?
 
    What if the enemy has cleverly persuaded and convinced me that ignorance, sickness, poverty, disease, depression, disappointments, heartbreak and the opinion of others have power over me?
    What if his roar is actually a smoke screen to distract me from the truth of the strength within me?
    What if like Richard Pryor in The Wiz, the enemy is nothing more than a coward hiding behind a curtain, with a big head, special effects and loud voice?
    What if I say and say again I've been HOODWINKED!  BAMBOOZLED!  LED ASTRAY!... and RUN AMOK!

So now what?!  What if I flip the script?!
    I am stronger than I ever imagined!
    I have nothing to fear!
    My grandfather was right when he said, "You can do any-thang you want to do!"
    My father, grandmothers, grandfathers, aunts, uncles and friends who have gone to Glory are watching, waiting, cheering, and eagerly anticipating my certain victory!

    I have come to myself and I cast off fear!
    I trust myself enough to pursue the dreams given long ago!
    I believe and trust God knowing He loves me and has placed everything I need within me!
   There is a heart of a lion inside me that will not be defeated!
   No matter what, I will always rise up and I will always win!
   Circumstances must abide by every move I make along the course of my passion and purpose!
   There is no person, demon or devil in hell that can stop me!

    For I have feared too long, anguished too hard and lost too much.  There is a yearning on the inside.  A yearning that's beating, kicking, and screaming to get out. It's the yearning of a runner on the starting line, positioned for the gun to go off.

   Mediocrity is no longer acceptable.  I will not live this life nor leave it unfulfilled.  Neither will I return to my Maker with regrets of painfully asking the question...What if?
                                        

   I'm Monica Jones, and I approve this message!
 

Been Mary Jane

      Social media has been all a buzz about the season finale of Being Mary Jane. You had to be swift to keep up with the play by play details on Facebook and Twitter. While speaking on the telephone with my friends, we watched, yelled, grunted, and laughed throughout the intense two hours.  To add to the intensity, we were reading and responding to comments on social media.

     
      Comments varied between serious, empathetic, funny and angry. There were quite a few comments which weren't so nice.  Some sisters are taking this very seriously.  One of my Facebook friends was outraged by the those of us who seemed to be enjoying it a little too much. 

       "I refuse to give my time or attention to any show that celebrates a woman having an affair with a married man!" She snapped.  Now, this same sister is a self proclaimed "Gladiator" who has meticulously scheduled her entire day so she can watch the return of Scandal.  I guess it's okay to have an affair with a married man as long as he's the President. But I'll leave that one alone.  

      According to Robinne Lee who portrays Andre's long suffering wife Avery Daniels, "Mary Jane is not a role model.  She's entertainment."  Although I agree with her, I couldn't help but ponder why some don't view Mary Jane in that manner.  The truth of the matter is, Mary Jane gets all up in our business. Her story hits too close to home.

     How does an intelligent, educated, diligent, focused, and family oriented public figure grab her keys, get in her car and chase down her former beau to express her undying love for him? Only to be rejected and left on the street.  How does this same woman be reduced even further to a drunken, desperate, and dejected woman who shows up uninvited on the doorstep of her rejector?  Begging him to give their love a chance.

     To put it nicely, quite a few women are exceedingly disappointed.  After all,  Mary Jane's got it going on! She's got wealth, a bad house, car, career, clothes, influence, beauty and the attention of some very attractive men.  She's living the life right?! Well...maybe not.

     As we get older and become more seasoned, there are certain experiences we choose to block out.  But make no mistake, whether we are the CEO, COO, CFO, Dr., ESQ., PhD, LPC, Pastor, Evangelist, Deaconess, Black, White, Hispanic, Miss, Mrs. or Ms., at some point in our lives, we have all been Mary Jane.  

 

      Come on, let it go.  We've all been there, done that. Maybe not all of it, but we've done some of it.  Oh you haven't.  I guess Mary Jane, Lisa, Kara and I are the only women who have ever done a drive-by. I'm not talking about a drive-by shooting.  I'm talking about a drive-by sighting.   And like the boyz in the hood...we ride in packs.   My friend Jamie would pick me up.  Then she would drive her car down my boyfriend's street at just the right speed, so I could see if he was home when he was supposed to be.  Then we'd go back to my house and get my car.  Then I would ease down her boyfriend's street so she could do that same thing. Now needless to say, this was years ago when we were in our twenties.  Lord our twenties. SMH. What can I say, when you're young, you're dumb. LOL!

      As far as being his woman or the other woman, more of us can relate than not.  "The other woman?!" Yes the other woman.  Now, you may not have known you were the other woman.  Perhaps you became aware after falling under his spell.  Did you exit stage left saying to yourself, "Self... I am too good, too kind and too confident to allow myself to be treated this way."? Or did you stay, until the relationship which was doomed from the start inevitably fizzled out? 

     

     How many of us remained in bad or stagnant relationships? That relationship that was perfect in the beginning only to become "complicated" a few months later.  The one you remained in for far too long, trying to recapture the spark you had in the beginning.  Staying and praying to the good Lord above that your man would come around and act right. Praying first thing in the morning and last thing at night.  Asking God, "Please open his eyes so that he may be enlightened to know the hope of your love and all it has to offer." Hoping and praying that he would realize what a good woman you are and a good wife you will be.  Holding on to hope when hope left years ago. 

     What about the one that got away? The one you overlooked, mistreated and took for granted. Showing blatant disrespect and disregard for that person's time and feelings. Until they became exhausted, and had nothing left to give. Then suddenly, poof!  They were gone. There's a saying that goes, "They say you never know what you have until it's gone.  Truth is, you knew what you had.  You just never thought you'd lose it."

     

     By the way, this pertains to men as well as women.  There are plenty male Mary Janes out there experiencing the same issues.  Isn't it funny how we can be so focused, precise and direct when it comes to our lifestyle, careers and status. However, when it comes to matters of the heart, we don't utilize the same discernment. 

     After the show, my friends and I laughed with thankful hearts.  Sharing and comparing stories from our pleasant and not so pleasant love experiences.  Laughing because we still can't believe that we were SO foolish to participate in such shenanigans. "Child I though I would die if we couldn't be together!"  Someone we would never even think of dating today. We're thankful because knowing of his current life issues, we dodged a bullet. We're happy even more so because it's in the past. You live. You learn. You grow. You press on. 

    Nevertheless, we realize everyone isn't laughing.  Some people are still in the muck of it all.  As we move forward with our lives, we can only offer empathy to those in a place where we used to be.  From those of us who have been Mary Jane to those who are still being Mary Jane, keep your heads up. Be strong and pray for wisdom.  Please understand, trust, believe and know.  God's got something and someone for you. One day your present will become your past.  And you too will laugh.

Photos courtesy of BET

*Names have been changed to protect the guilty. :-)

   

Ain't Nobody Got Time For That!

     So...Nene and Marlo are going at it on Twitter?!  After their confrontation last night on Real Housewives of Atlanta, the former friends continue to take verbal potshots at one another.  Are you serious?!  But wait, aren't they buddies, ride or die, BFFs?

    Yes, I admit it.  I've been a viewer of the Real Housewives Reality Series from the very beginning starting with the Real Housewives of Orange County.  Some years ago I was excited to learn there would be a series which featured successful black women.  However, in the past couple years or so, my thoughts and views have changed.  There was a time when I would faithfully watch every episode. About a year ago I started using my DVR.  I  found myself fast forwarding through each episode. A lot of times, I just forgo it altogether.

     It seems as though every reality series featuring black women or women of color casts women who are geared up and ready to fight.  I am fed up to the tenth power with seeing women cursing each other out, jumping over tables, tossing beverages, throwing wine glasses and bottles at one another.

     I'm sure I don't have to explain myself any further to the thousands, if not millions of women who feel the same way; especially with the increasing number of physical altercations of late. This he said, she said, they said, we said mentality is not only played, it's high school.  Seeing black women proudly exhibit combative behavior for all the world to see is stereotypical, embarrassing and out of control.

     Although I don't wear a t-shirt, I believe myself to be a successful, intelligent and cultured black woman with friends possessing the same traits. Nevertheless, I rack my brain trying to recall a time when my friends, my circle, my girls,...my road dawgs have had a verbal or physical confrontation.

     Excuse me if I spend too much time in recall, but it's impossible to remember something that hasn't occurred.  I don't see Angie, Nicole, Anitra, Joni, or Dorothy dropping B bombs and F bombs at one another in an attempt to rouse the other into a fight. Simply put, it's not necessary nor is it acceptable behavior for grown women.  That's not how we get down. And I don't know many who do.

     I choose to recall the success, achievements and accomplishments made by women of color.  I recall women like Harriet Tubman, First Lady Michelle Obama, Oprah Winfrey, Maya Angelou, Aretha Franklin, Marva Collins, Cicely Tyson, Dorothy Dandridge, Rita Moreno, Angela Bassett, Holly Robinson-Peete, Julie Dash, Kasi Lemmons, Iyanla Vanzant, Star Jones, Vanessa Bell Calloway, Debbie Allen, Phylicia Rashad, Alfre Woodard, Viola Davis, Octavia Spenser, Nia Long, Sanaa Lathan, Aunjanue Ellis, Taraji P. Henson, La La Vasquez Anthony, Tyra Banks, and Venus and Serena Williams.  SHALL I GO ON?  Believe me I could, but I would be here all night and this blog would be too long.

    Whether it makes a difference or not, I will no longer be tuning into reality television unless it's something positive, uplifting, educational and inspiring.  I cannot continue to support a series or franchise that makes millions of dollars while portraying us as a bunch of pretentious, loud and wild women with little to no self control or respect.  Ain't nobody got time for that!!!!

      Excuse me while I tune in to Mom's Got Game featuring Pamela McGee, Hall of Famer, Olympic Champion, Former WNBA Player/Assistant Coach, and manager of her son, NBA player JaVale McGee. I like this show because it reflects our reality featuring women striving to live life to the fullest. Not to mention the irreplaceable Jay who provides balance and humor all at the same time.  This group of friends are enthusiastic, driven, and focused.  While they are honest and straight forward with one another, it is easy to see they are genuinely eager, excited and cheering for each other's happiness and success.

    Wait a minute...that sounds like me and my girls!  Talk about reality. ;-)